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Funny stand ups and Jokes! - Forum

 
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Funny stand ups and Jokes!
CouDate: Friday, 04-Feb-2011, 6:11 AM | Message # 1
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You guys are a funny bunch of peeps, I can't believe there was no joke thread!!

Post your best stand up comedies or jokes guys!!

Cultural Foods:
So have you guys ever wondered that if we were to eat people that we'd taste like the food of our culture? for example, Chinese people. Would they taste like fried rice and have you coming back for more? What about Mexicans? Do they taste all spicy and hot? Come on Everybody!! Black people? Would they taste like fried chicken? White people?... now you can't eat white people. I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules here.

Gag on emos and goths:
Now I don't care how endangered and threatened you feel, unless you're a panda, you have no reason to wear black shadow-liner around your eye.

Suicide:
A man goes into the library and asks the librarian if he could borrow a book on suicides. The librarian replies "Bugger off, I know you'll never return them"

Cats:
Some people say cats have nines lives. Not mine.

Bruddas:
when I was a kid, my parents threw my brother a surprise party. I think that's when I realized, he was the favorite twin.

Shake it Baby!!
An obese girl goes to the doctors and asks for help on losing weight. The doctor says "Have you ever tried shaking your head from side to side at certain times"? Confused she says "No. What do you mean "at certain times"? The doctor replies "like, whenever someone offers you food" he says.

Woman!
Women don't want a ring that's a symbol of love; they want a ring that will piss off other women.




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stoogeDate: Friday, 04-Feb-2011, 6:28 AM | Message # 2
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Quote (Imported_N00b)
Cultural Foods:
So have you guys ever wondered that if we were to eat people that we'd taste like the food of our culture? for example, Chinese people. Would they taste like fried rice and have you coming back for more? What about Mexicans? Do they taste all spicy and hot? Come on Everybody!! Black people? Would they taste like fried chicken? White people?... now you can't eat white people. I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules here.

so if u ate flamefusion u'd taste like curry?



If I tell you I am good, You will probably think I am boasting.
If I tell you I am bad, You will Know I am lying.
 
CouDate: Friday, 04-Feb-2011, 7:07 AM | Message # 3
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lmfao!! STOOGE!! I was going too but I left it out lmfao!



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ArcttyDate: Friday, 04-Feb-2011, 4:47 PM | Message # 4
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This thread is now about the Flamefusions villiage princess

 
xMoNsTeRRRDate: Saturday, 05-Feb-2011, 5:26 PM | Message # 5
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Quote (Arctty)
This thread is now about the Flamefusions villiage princess

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
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HHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA


this account is currently being shared by xmonsterrr and cyray. if i say something nice, its probably cyray so please disregard it.

Message edited by xMoNsTeRRR - Saturday, 05-Feb-2011, 5:26 PM
 
lspiderlDate: Sunday, 06-Feb-2011, 0:25 AM | Message # 6
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ok enuff ragging on flame your all bordering on trolliing


I suffer from a condition called dislexix disgraphia so please parden my spelling and typographical errors
 
Vampirism_FireDate: Monday, 07-Feb-2011, 3:20 PM | Message # 7
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What is Green and Smells like Blue paint?

The Average person has one testicle and one ovarie.

The pharmacist joke
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Lettuce & Tomato Joke
This guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school, unfortunately he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is about 5 or 6.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his gal climb up to the top bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy remembering that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper,”lettuce” if she wants it harder and “tomato” if she wants it faster.

“Lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce,” it sounds.

Then the little brother chimes in, “Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there, you’re getting mayonnaise all over my face.”

WARNING! OFFENSIVE.

What do you call a mexican without a lawnmower?


What does god say when he makes black people?

Why are all Black people so fast?



Signature by: Vexslasher
There Is No Such Thing As A "Final" Version.
 
lspiderlDate: Monday, 07-Feb-2011, 3:29 PM | Message # 8
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i tried to do standup




I suffer from a condition called dislexix disgraphia so please parden my spelling and typographical errors
 
Vampirism_FireDate: Monday, 07-Feb-2011, 3:41 PM | Message # 9
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You can't nest Spoilers... sad


Signature by: Vexslasher
There Is No Such Thing As A "Final" Version.
 
mb53Date: Tuesday, 08-Feb-2011, 2:25 AM | Message # 10
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I heard both the pharmacist and sandwich one before =P

Sooo.... I hope none of you are Mexican.

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a brick?


Whats the difference between a Mexican and an elevator?

Edit: Wow just read the sandwich one again on facebook.



Thanks to xXHarDCorEXx/bop240 for making my signature ^^
 
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